I love Memphis, as a concept. It's free and inviting and homely and embracing.
And the people. Though they may be smug and have bought into the concept of 'starving artist,' they have their moments when they let their guards down and that is when you have found gold. I visited a friend, L, and I couldn't be more joyous during our time together. We just hung out and it was very comfortable. Though, I must say, the ending was quite uncomfortable since we both knew our time together was at an end. And I had to say goodbye to her brother, C, which was quite sad since he and I were each others' comfort.
If I said I didn't cry in my car ride home, it'd be a lie.
Z's dog, Scout, died two weeks ago. Even after seeing her after that happened, I found out yesterday. I wasn't sad, I was more or less mad and then depressed. I was mad that I didn't know about Scout dying until yesterday. This Z, after all, was the one who had called me immediately after she and P broke up. And her cat died. And when she got good news. But now, I'm feeling like a used tissue. Good for a bit then discarded. She and M are leaving to teach in China in March. I feel that she put forth a giant wall in between us so that when she leaves, we won't be as emotional.
I just feel burnt out, emotionally, with everyone. I'm tired of entertaining- of me going up to people to talk. I want to be centered upon, I want people to come up to me and gab. I'd love to get random visits. Random adventures. But, at the end of the day, I get tired of driving everywhere, or drained from trying to get people to have a positive disposition towards me.
Monster Magnet: Atomic Clock
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ERMy2wPKQ&feature=related
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Love, she said, how everyone I gave it to, they're all gone and don't let that ever be you, boy.
I've recently got into a fairly large Ravens and Chimes kick, in which I have youtubed my favorite track of theirs down below. They are not a flash in the pan, but their debut album, Reichenbach Falls, is a very solid one (just so you know, my favorite debuts: Mumford & Sons, Dream Theater, Aphex Twin). Anyway, it got me thinking about my neglected blog. So here goes:
I've been working more lately, which isn't bad, but I've noticed that I've never been less motivated to make the same ripples that I had done before. It's not that I hate my job, but as I had expressed to my director, I just feel lots of pressure onto me from having the stress of worrying about twenty six dudes, twentyfourseven.
-Relatedly, one of my guys, D, before he left our services that he felt he was always in prison. Naturally, in my organization, we try to not make our services feel like that but his point was well received, and though I had tried to make it as loose as possible, he was correct. Though D was more independent than others, always pushing the envelope and getting on people's nerves, he was a fresh breath of air that is well needed. He pushed me to read on my 'free' time stuff about prisons. Coupling that push with my previous thirst for information of concentration camps and now, prisons, I stumbled upon the Gulag- the Russian concentration camps.
Shittt, you wanna know anything interesting about The Gulag that you can potentially throw at people at bars or wherever social gatherings take place, feast on this one, especially as the Chicago Snow comes: many Gulager's in the Kolyma region (re: Siberia) would go to work everyday for twelve hours (not including the 3 mile trek one way) in the cold. Their only days off were when the temperature was at -60F degrees. Without windchill. -58f? You're going to work. Oh, and I should mention, that their clothing was a military tunic underneath a petty worn wool coat. The fact that people have survived that, well, that's fucking interesting. Aleksander Solzhenitsyn's Gulag Archipelago is one of the finest memoirs I will have read and implore people to at least read a third of it. It's remarkable that, again, people have survived the Kolyma and managed to keep their limbs, fingers and teeth intact. And minds.
Anyways, I thought of GA and D and what am I doing to stop that continual feeling from happening. I'm trying my best to get my guys get motivated to actually care for themselves, for them to make their beds, lunches, dinners and get some semblance of a decent life. But they have been served for, practically, their whole lives and know what to do, when to do, and how to do things so that they don't have to do it themselves.
Lastly about work, I'm being looked upon as a leader. As a leadership leader. Somehow, someway, I got this title from my peers. This comforts me. With motivation nonetheless.
That motivation will be hard to come by but I want to be able to continuously inspire before I leave for my microvacation to Memphis to visit Laura Lou for her birthday. This trip, with T nonetheless, excites me. Hopefully, I'll remember to bring my camera and an extra lung since I'm sure I'm gonna be huffing on Marlboros all the way. I need to recharge the batteries especially after tossing in an additional 32 hours of unpaid time a month by working shifts or just working past my 55 hours a week.
Time to work on my core and then sleep.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic_an8Kk-Og
I've been working more lately, which isn't bad, but I've noticed that I've never been less motivated to make the same ripples that I had done before. It's not that I hate my job, but as I had expressed to my director, I just feel lots of pressure onto me from having the stress of worrying about twenty six dudes, twentyfourseven.
-Relatedly, one of my guys, D, before he left our services that he felt he was always in prison. Naturally, in my organization, we try to not make our services feel like that but his point was well received, and though I had tried to make it as loose as possible, he was correct. Though D was more independent than others, always pushing the envelope and getting on people's nerves, he was a fresh breath of air that is well needed. He pushed me to read on my 'free' time stuff about prisons. Coupling that push with my previous thirst for information of concentration camps and now, prisons, I stumbled upon the Gulag- the Russian concentration camps.
Shittt, you wanna know anything interesting about The Gulag that you can potentially throw at people at bars or wherever social gatherings take place, feast on this one, especially as the Chicago Snow comes: many Gulager's in the Kolyma region (re: Siberia) would go to work everyday for twelve hours (not including the 3 mile trek one way) in the cold. Their only days off were when the temperature was at -60F degrees. Without windchill. -58f? You're going to work. Oh, and I should mention, that their clothing was a military tunic underneath a petty worn wool coat. The fact that people have survived that, well, that's fucking interesting. Aleksander Solzhenitsyn's Gulag Archipelago is one of the finest memoirs I will have read and implore people to at least read a third of it. It's remarkable that, again, people have survived the Kolyma and managed to keep their limbs, fingers and teeth intact. And minds.
Anyways, I thought of GA and D and what am I doing to stop that continual feeling from happening. I'm trying my best to get my guys get motivated to actually care for themselves, for them to make their beds, lunches, dinners and get some semblance of a decent life. But they have been served for, practically, their whole lives and know what to do, when to do, and how to do things so that they don't have to do it themselves.
Lastly about work, I'm being looked upon as a leader. As a leadership leader. Somehow, someway, I got this title from my peers. This comforts me. With motivation nonetheless.
That motivation will be hard to come by but I want to be able to continuously inspire before I leave for my microvacation to Memphis to visit Laura Lou for her birthday. This trip, with T nonetheless, excites me. Hopefully, I'll remember to bring my camera and an extra lung since I'm sure I'm gonna be huffing on Marlboros all the way. I need to recharge the batteries especially after tossing in an additional 32 hours of unpaid time a month by working shifts or just working past my 55 hours a week.
Time to work on my core and then sleep.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic_an8Kk-Og
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Work/Norway/Copenhagen/Discipline
It's been awhile since I last wrote in here, in truth, I've been lazy. As much as I may bitch about having too much to do, this was one of the first weekends where I had 'nothing to do' for two consecutive days since early September.
I took on more responsibilities, in a way, by trying to show the n00bs at work how things go. This is just me trying to tie things together as well trying to keep these new hires from feeling too overwhelmed. Afterall, some of the n00bs are coming from a different background and with our situation of 'team play' it can get frustrating with many things left in limbo.
There will be no raise, just the idea of me doing a 'greater good.'
I've really been getting the itch to travel, more and more, recently to Scandinavia - mainly, Oslo and Copenhagen. For a pure selfish reason, I'd like to scope out the cities before I toss my hat to their respected universities (though, Uppsala is attractive as well...) though for what degree I have no idea. I have tossed around the idea of possibly going into med school, overseas. Many of the universities have courses in English and, based on a quick looksie over the courses, I can manage. Mother had said that she can foot the bill, though for six years, many things can change. Now, as much as I would love to say "Hey mom, thanks for the six figures of cash, byez" I also have to contend with the reminder that they are very modest and live perfectly within their means whereas I, simply, do not.
Warsaw University still has that Economic Development program, which would be a great back up plan if I am deadset on going overseas to learn.
To contend for that, I've had my savings account for three years and haven't contributed as much as I would like due to the nature of my occupation. There are only variances - my biggest expenditure is fuel and car maintenance. Considering my seventy mile commute, standard, with extra pressure on my Subaru to taxi my guys back and forth, I can't set a solid baseline outside of the 350 miles. I've started cooking at home, decreasing my 'lunch money' and increasing my savings. They may not be the best meals, but they are basic and gets the job done.
Musically, I've been rocking out to Billy Bragg's Brewing Up With Billy Bragg. It's a very simple album, mainly Billy with an electric guitar and love songs, as well as his standard politico songs. This comes after my Mumford and Sons kick. Without further ado: Billy Bragg's Levi Stubbs' Tears...
I took on more responsibilities, in a way, by trying to show the n00bs at work how things go. This is just me trying to tie things together as well trying to keep these new hires from feeling too overwhelmed. Afterall, some of the n00bs are coming from a different background and with our situation of 'team play' it can get frustrating with many things left in limbo.
There will be no raise, just the idea of me doing a 'greater good.'
I've really been getting the itch to travel, more and more, recently to Scandinavia - mainly, Oslo and Copenhagen. For a pure selfish reason, I'd like to scope out the cities before I toss my hat to their respected universities (though, Uppsala is attractive as well...) though for what degree I have no idea. I have tossed around the idea of possibly going into med school, overseas. Many of the universities have courses in English and, based on a quick looksie over the courses, I can manage. Mother had said that she can foot the bill, though for six years, many things can change. Now, as much as I would love to say "Hey mom, thanks for the six figures of cash, byez" I also have to contend with the reminder that they are very modest and live perfectly within their means whereas I, simply, do not.
Warsaw University still has that Economic Development program, which would be a great back up plan if I am deadset on going overseas to learn.
To contend for that, I've had my savings account for three years and haven't contributed as much as I would like due to the nature of my occupation. There are only variances - my biggest expenditure is fuel and car maintenance. Considering my seventy mile commute, standard, with extra pressure on my Subaru to taxi my guys back and forth, I can't set a solid baseline outside of the 350 miles. I've started cooking at home, decreasing my 'lunch money' and increasing my savings. They may not be the best meals, but they are basic and gets the job done.
Musically, I've been rocking out to Billy Bragg's Brewing Up With Billy Bragg. It's a very simple album, mainly Billy with an electric guitar and love songs, as well as his standard politico songs. This comes after my Mumford and Sons kick. Without further ado: Billy Bragg's Levi Stubbs' Tears...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Today made me realize I should bring a camera with me...
Mumford and Sons: Little Lion Man
I can't stop listening to this song. And on the video, a fucking suitcase! Such an amazing song, totally fitting with the cool Chicago air and beautiful visuals brought by the leaves changing color on my favorite trees.
Monday, October 11, 2010
4
Seemingly, I've been sick every weekend. My immune system is wrecked, I believe by the lack of a routine for meals and their quality. Rather than complaining about it, I'm fixing it.
From now on, every Sunday, while lazing around watching football for a ridiculous ten hours, I will prepare a simpler fancy meal- more likely than not, this will involve many pots, pans, and seasonings.
Today, I went to my local Jewel to pick up supplies. I decided to walk even though I am still with a massive headache and a 100 degree fever. I shopped well:
1 green pepper
2 small onions
3 red potatoes
.60 pounds of ground chicken
1 small carton of raspberries
1 small carton of strawberries
1 small carton of blueberries
1 small carton of cranberries
I cut the peppers into strips, and sliced the potatoes pretty thin considering I wanted them slightly charred. I dropped the chicken in about five minutes afterward and was very surprised about how it turned out. Halfway through, I totally forgot about the onion I had chopped up.
This is where I slightly experimented. I ran out of my Adobo and had to season my onions. So what I do? Chicken Bouillon. Though it was all sodium, I was very pleased how these onions tasted and I will be doing them again.
My dessert of berries, a self described berry salad, was delicious and nutritious.
Next up in my cooking adventure, a Cheeto-encrusted pork chop, bean salad with a light honey glaze.
---
After my dessert, I had swiped away my three scratch off tickets I bought. Typically I buy Win For Life because I would like to win for life, which ONLY pumps out $50,000 a year before taxes. Whatever. So I scratch the two and get nothing. Then I bust out the quarter rather than the nickel I was using, I scratch off a ticket that wins me a 100. I walk to Jewel to redeem it and then hop on my bike to Chase and promptly deposit that Franklin into my VacationElevenFund, or #VEF if you will, which is comfortably resting at 3,200 right now.
Now, I'm just doing free weights while taking breaks from reading The Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. What a way to unwind on this day off of mine. Enough inside time, I have my bench outside to sit on.
Adrian
Mumford & Sons : Sigh No More : White Blank Page
From now on, every Sunday, while lazing around watching football for a ridiculous ten hours, I will prepare a simpler fancy meal- more likely than not, this will involve many pots, pans, and seasonings.
Today, I went to my local Jewel to pick up supplies. I decided to walk even though I am still with a massive headache and a 100 degree fever. I shopped well:
1 green pepper
2 small onions
3 red potatoes
.60 pounds of ground chicken
1 small carton of raspberries
1 small carton of strawberries
1 small carton of blueberries
1 small carton of cranberries
I cut the peppers into strips, and sliced the potatoes pretty thin considering I wanted them slightly charred. I dropped the chicken in about five minutes afterward and was very surprised about how it turned out. Halfway through, I totally forgot about the onion I had chopped up.
This is where I slightly experimented. I ran out of my Adobo and had to season my onions. So what I do? Chicken Bouillon. Though it was all sodium, I was very pleased how these onions tasted and I will be doing them again.
My dessert of berries, a self described berry salad, was delicious and nutritious.
Next up in my cooking adventure, a Cheeto-encrusted pork chop, bean salad with a light honey glaze.
---
After my dessert, I had swiped away my three scratch off tickets I bought. Typically I buy Win For Life because I would like to win for life, which ONLY pumps out $50,000 a year before taxes. Whatever. So I scratch the two and get nothing. Then I bust out the quarter rather than the nickel I was using, I scratch off a ticket that wins me a 100. I walk to Jewel to redeem it and then hop on my bike to Chase and promptly deposit that Franklin into my VacationElevenFund, or #VEF if you will, which is comfortably resting at 3,200 right now.
Now, I'm just doing free weights while taking breaks from reading The Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. What a way to unwind on this day off of mine. Enough inside time, I have my bench outside to sit on.
Adrian
Mumford & Sons : Sigh No More : White Blank Page
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
So, my publisher for my pen name contacted me the other week and said get an essay ready about Russia and the gas pipeline issue from two years ago. I did that. Coming in at 9,997 words out of the maximum 10,000 word cap, I thought I was set. Even with my advance, I had plans.
Luckily the years of my mother's sage thrifty advice finally settled in and I did not spend it.
Yesterday, I was in the hospital with an individual of mine who is suffering from liver cirrhosis. I should also note that, after many years of kicking back a hearty cocktail of Excedrin and Tylenol with a few anti-seizure meds, your liver will eventually cave in. The last few years while your liver shuts down since you've essentially charred it, is very unpleasant. You're bloated and retain a lot of fluid that you can't pee out. It's a slow process that'll last until your kidneys say "fuck you."
Well, while getting him admitted, I had totally biffed and forgot to email myself my essay. And then promptly forgot to email it to the Journal Editor. That biff had cost me a thousand dollars and then some more once it got published. Like leads. And further opportunities.
And hope.
So today was just a day of me sniffling, pissed off at myself and, unfortunately, taking it out on my co-workers for the first four hours of my day.
BUT
That all changed when one of my guys, one who's deemed my favorite, came up to me and just gave me a hug. He didn't say anything. He didn't want to say anything. But he knew I was having a bad day. He also wanted to show me that he shaved (thus making him look thirty years younger) and that he cared for me.
As great as having a thousand dollar's worth of items would be, that bond I've developed with one of my guys, if not all, meant that much more to me. Hell, my (and their) primary care physician, upon seeing him with the dude who's hospitalized, told me that I'm "one of the best case managers he's had the honor of working with that advocates and understands..."
At first, I disregarded it but it hit me today that, strangely enough, I am good at what I do. I am good at being empathetic for others. And hell of a good historian. Unfortunately for any semblance of a social life, but my guys will always be my number one.
Lucero : 1372 Overton Park: What Are You Willing To Lose
Luckily the years of my mother's sage thrifty advice finally settled in and I did not spend it.
Yesterday, I was in the hospital with an individual of mine who is suffering from liver cirrhosis. I should also note that, after many years of kicking back a hearty cocktail of Excedrin and Tylenol with a few anti-seizure meds, your liver will eventually cave in. The last few years while your liver shuts down since you've essentially charred it, is very unpleasant. You're bloated and retain a lot of fluid that you can't pee out. It's a slow process that'll last until your kidneys say "fuck you."
Well, while getting him admitted, I had totally biffed and forgot to email myself my essay. And then promptly forgot to email it to the Journal Editor. That biff had cost me a thousand dollars and then some more once it got published. Like leads. And further opportunities.
And hope.
So today was just a day of me sniffling, pissed off at myself and, unfortunately, taking it out on my co-workers for the first four hours of my day.
BUT
That all changed when one of my guys, one who's deemed my favorite, came up to me and just gave me a hug. He didn't say anything. He didn't want to say anything. But he knew I was having a bad day. He also wanted to show me that he shaved (thus making him look thirty years younger) and that he cared for me.
As great as having a thousand dollar's worth of items would be, that bond I've developed with one of my guys, if not all, meant that much more to me. Hell, my (and their) primary care physician, upon seeing him with the dude who's hospitalized, told me that I'm "one of the best case managers he's had the honor of working with that advocates and understands..."
At first, I disregarded it but it hit me today that, strangely enough, I am good at what I do. I am good at being empathetic for others. And hell of a good historian. Unfortunately for any semblance of a social life, but my guys will always be my number one.
Lucero : 1372 Overton Park: What Are You Willing To Lose
Sunday, September 5, 2010
video links
The scuzzier he looks, the better the performance. Cases in point, three videos that I find amazing. Big ups on the last, WSRL, as one of my favorite live performances captured and then uploaded to YouTube.
Ryan Adams: Oh My Sweet Carolina
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvIRk8wvC_A
Ryan Adams : Come Pick Me Up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRnoh86FD2A
Ryan Adams : What Sin Replaces Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRGwaUOpwE8
-
Seeing his videos always makes me wish I had appreciated the two times I had seen him. One was at the Biograph Theatre in Chicago (famous for the last breathing spot, supposedly, of John Derringer) with an ex. It was a small venue at capacity of 250people, and he and the Cardinals had performed acoustic. Wonderful show, and, if you hop to Archive.org and get the show (http://www.archive.org/details/radams2007-06-19.aud.flac ), you can hear my whiney voice call out for Slayer. Truthfully, I never believed I would say this, but that show was magical.
Absolutely wonderful and that is not giving the show absolute justice.
The last show of his I had the pleasure to see was when he was in Madison in October of 08. The show, for all purpose, was secondary. It was a weekend of bonding with my friend and an acquaintance from undergrad. We had meandered throughout Madison, oblivious to the word "care" and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Even though I had access to an earlier leak of Cardinology, the record he was promoting, hearing the songs that I was privy to listen to (nonstop, if I may say so) live, brought about the "ChristmasMorningRush." After the show, after the pinnacle of the trip, all three of us were left with no emotions.
-
Inspired by the videos, I hopped on Levis.com and tried to order a nice denim jacket, a staple for Midwesterns, though I wear a lot of jeans, I won't shy away from the double denim because I don't think anything beats a nice pairing of 510s/511s, beat-down-boots, dark button up and a crisp denim jacket.
Ryan Adams: Oh My Sweet Carolina
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvIRk8wvC_A
Ryan Adams : Come Pick Me Up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRnoh86FD2A
Ryan Adams : What Sin Replaces Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRGwaUOpwE8
-
Seeing his videos always makes me wish I had appreciated the two times I had seen him. One was at the Biograph Theatre in Chicago (famous for the last breathing spot, supposedly, of John Derringer) with an ex. It was a small venue at capacity of 250people, and he and the Cardinals had performed acoustic. Wonderful show, and, if you hop to Archive.org and get the show (http://www.archive.org/details/radams2007-06-19.aud.flac ), you can hear my whiney voice call out for Slayer. Truthfully, I never believed I would say this, but that show was magical.
Absolutely wonderful and that is not giving the show absolute justice.
The last show of his I had the pleasure to see was when he was in Madison in October of 08. The show, for all purpose, was secondary. It was a weekend of bonding with my friend and an acquaintance from undergrad. We had meandered throughout Madison, oblivious to the word "care" and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Even though I had access to an earlier leak of Cardinology, the record he was promoting, hearing the songs that I was privy to listen to (nonstop, if I may say so) live, brought about the "ChristmasMorningRush." After the show, after the pinnacle of the trip, all three of us were left with no emotions.
-
Inspired by the videos, I hopped on Levis.com and tried to order a nice denim jacket, a staple for Midwesterns, though I wear a lot of jeans, I won't shy away from the double denim because I don't think anything beats a nice pairing of 510s/511s, beat-down-boots, dark button up and a crisp denim jacket.
First post
After much back and forth, I've decided to actually create and, hopefully, maintain a blog of my aspirations, ideas and thoughts accordingly. I will get into my daily life, with names initialed if I must (though, I'd rather place a numerical denomination on them...)
My expectation of this blog is simple: An extended form of my twitter musings- although I should mention that I really plan on updating this blog twice a week, if that- and sharing of, hopefully, thought provoking links.
My expectation of this blog is simple: An extended form of my twitter musings- although I should mention that I really plan on updating this blog twice a week, if that- and sharing of, hopefully, thought provoking links.
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